Abraham and Issac
how do you tell someone that things would never have gone so wrong, had there been nothing out of the ordinary to upset what was else normal?
And really, actually, that they didn't go wrong? That the questions that arose were a natural consequence of being thus grilled by the extraordinary?
That the source and object of temptation was no human nor audible sound, but my own ensuing thoughts amid confusion from running ahead of Him, realising my vulnerability in doing so, then knowing He tempts no man to dishonour or sin?
How do you explain that the human will successfully prevailed to run at the first whiff of temptation in these thoughts, and took all things captive with His grace?
I was not tempted by man, for I know the poor shell that we all are. Man, whatever form he may take, will always hold little for me. I was simply confused by what I could not reconcile. And I wanted to obey like Abraham. The hunger to love Him, obey Him, know Him, supersedes everything. I was in a position of vulnerability because an extraordinary statement was posed to me. There isn't much else that would ever shake my resolve and commitment. And now since I've left the extraordinary behind me with my resolve unchanged, oh, doubt me not then, for there is no reason I'd ever question that resolve on my own. I have striven to uphold the honour of all, I have neither asked for nor done wrong!
Still, I do not consider myself having been in the wrong place at the wrong time, nor do I count it inopportune that I should have such encounters that entail genuine dilemmas, and difficult choices. In all things He has a purpose. But I think I have chosen rightly on this learning curve, and I will be blessed for it.
I thank God for those who do understand.
As a kid in Sunday school I always wondered how Issac felt. I remember when I first heard that story at age 5, I cried, because my sunday school teacher asked "Can you imagine your own father is going to kill you?". I thought I knew what it felt like when your father wants to kill you. Of course, that was then, when things were different. =)
But I also remember I decided then, that if God had wanted me instead of Issac, it would still be worth it. I did not yet have the words to reason so, but I remember I was willing, because I looked to this God of beautiful life stories with a strange, inexplicable reverance... He was good, loving and kind. I had never known Him to be otherwise. So I wasn't afraid if I was a sacrifice to be received by Him. I was willing to please Him, at the cost of my life. It was the second time in my life I ever made a sure decision like that for Him. As I grew up through the terrors of day and night, perhaps it was this trust in His purpose for all things that carried me through. It wasn't that I was noble or spiritual--far from it. Trusting He had a purpose was my only hope for a reason to live on. Only later did i come to understand He'd rather a living sacrifice than a dead one, and much later, I experienced the profound meaning of dying to self while living for Him. But that willingness stayed with me since that little 5 year-old heart committed itself, with utter belief and absorbtion in the One who loved.
Did Abraham explain to his son the difficult position he was in? Was Issac willing to die? Did Issac believe his father loved him while the knife was raised over him? What did he think of his father immediately after? Was he trusting enough to be led back down the mountain path by dad? Or did he doubt dad forever more?
| e.s.t.h.e.r in the arms of Jesus @
7/25/2005 12:13:00 am |
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