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I apologise for the lag up here recently. I am at my grandma's house, and there is no internet connection here although I am in the midst of tweaking one into existence. I have not stopped writing however, and the posts below should carry sufficient testimony to a joyful, rested heart, and hands that still move for Him. In this time there has been much to give thanks for. For this morning, on my heart, there are especially two individuals for whom I am deeply saddened by and burdened to pray for.
My friends, my friends... I ask He keep me humble that I might not be tempted to judge with my own eyes and ears, but to hear Him above the din that surrounds me, and for love to descend upon tired hearts and bring peace and rest upon whatever you're calmly avoiding. I pray if I should speak then it edifies and assures. It is true I have nothing much to offer you, for I consider myself still having much to learn from you, but for you I'll hold out in love. All things in prayer.
My sister, I wish to pray with you, for He is not a hard God and the judgement you fear does not exist for you. Don't turn away from Him, there is no hope out there, spare yourself the trouble of discovering so and despairing again. My bro, my sis, I love you both dearly. And yet what I feel for you both must exist amplified in His heart a hundred times more. My willingness to allow myself to be saddened so is part of the choice to carry you in love.
Love is costly... especially when one cannot guess what others will do with it. The attitude of the heart hurts more than the resultant actions which are but symptoms of that disposition. Love makes its pain easy for its object to ignore.
But I know my Father has given more for you.
My Jesus Christ was the epitome of vulnerability. I am merely growing in His image. =).
Someone remarked about 5 days ago that I never let go. =) That isn't true. I have let you both go in many ways, I speak little with you for it is not my place to convince you of anything, except to seek Him more. I talk with you when I wish to understand something of you. But I do not give up on you.
Both of you have said to me "As He leads". But there are two ways to say this. One is with a heart that says "it's His business, I don't care anymore", the other is with a heart that determines to seek out His leading.
Both of you seek a simpler life... indeed it should never be as complicated as you make it out to be, for we are called to live with innocence and humility. Growing up in Him is a matter of growing down to a dependence on Him, dying to self and finding ourselves in Him. With all I have I will worship Him, my mind, my heart my soul will be instruments in this lifelong service, and they will trumpet for Him. But my worship does not depend on the strength of these, nor how or what I have added to them. Rather it is in the full knowledge of their utter inadequacy that I begin to understand a little of who He really is. All I build up He clears away, that I know I can build nothing of worth on my own. Only so that the eyes of my heart may have an uncluttered vision of Him. I choose to stay broken by Him, that I may always be tender-hearted, acutely aware of my nothingness, considering myself poor in all things, so that in Him I may know no lack. Only then is work truly honourable in its reflection of His glory. Only then is it possible to have compassion and love others as He has led. Only then is joy complete. That joy in loving you simply and deeply, my friends, is fulfilling and profound.
I thank Him for you. =)
| e.s.t.h.e.r in the arms of Jesus @
8/01/2005 01:51:00 pm |
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