God is good

Thurs night, 29th July

I am tired, it is 1.38am, but I must testify. I got hired another week! =) I thank God for the favour He has granted me in the eyes of men... I'd been a little sad to have to leave the people I'd worked with for 4 days... I'd just started encouraging this other 50 something year old lady at office as well... I'd liked to have continued to spread the joy at office... I want them to fall in love with Him! =) And what grace this is! I get another week with grandma and aunt!

I do enjoy my work... I love thinking through issues, getting things organized and rolling =) ... I like the satisfaction of a job well done. But oh, I've never loved going to work with Christ more... God is good. Today my sensitivity to Him seems to have waned a little. 2 reasons:

1. I am somewhat dissatisfied with my QT today... it wasn't properly done. .. I didn't sit and wait long enough for Him. Jesus should have so much more of my time. I must have better discipline to wake up early and do it properly... the lack of having soaked in His presence affects the degree and depth of peace and joy that I carry with me through the day. I feel a little more tired in all ways... truly, His joy is our strength! I must not allow this to wear me down further. I must sleep more, eat better, and wake earlier.
2. Piqued by a recent stir of intellectual activity, today from QT I got excited with a little exercise, penning my thoughts on the morning's reading, trying to distance myself from the heart as though it clouded my objectivity. Immediately the warning bells went off... For the heart is where I know most deeply that I am in such need of Him. My mind processes meaning, purpose... the heart tells me whether I have found what's for real. It is where I am beyond my ability to save myself. The heart juxtaposed against the mirror of the word is a barometer for reality more than we know sometimes. This is where faith in Him alone has the opportunity for exercise, and unbelief, which matters more to Him than my understanding of Him, is dealt with. Now I have little difficulty worshipping Him with soul, mind and heart. The three experience Him differently to enrich my appreciation and worship of Him. But to distance myself from the heart would mean an inability to engage Him there, and if I wanted to move in faith then the right thing to do would have been to trust Him with abandon, even with the heart's capacity for deceit.

Samyi, my sister (I do not believe you have stopped believing in Him), I am praying for you. Sis, the blessings He's placed in my life are for you too. Do you believe it is as He says? Every blessing has been given to you. I have never been sarcastic with you, and you should not doubt the love and deep care this heart holds for you now (as you say you do when I tell you I'm praying). Are you angry with Him sis? Will you talk to Him?

Returning home, attack is immediately keener on the senses. It has already started now before I sleep, but I am unfazed. My God goes before me, and surrounds me. Nothing shall cause me to fear, not ditzy flickering lights that pause when I pray, not the lone shadow cast over me, moving from my left to right even as I type... Oh, you do irk me so. In the name of Jesus, be gone!

I must go spend some time with God. Apologies for this rather haphazard entry and the decline from thanksgiving to ramble. I wish to give my time to Him now... my thoughts are scattered and unkempt... lack of time with Him steals my joy.