This is His promise to all who call Him Father. It is my inheritance.
Got the connection up. =)
Might be staying in Clementi much longer than I had thought I would.
Grandma's eyes today widened with terror again as the lights went out. "Annah! Annah!" she cried to me. "Ang-kia! Ang-kia!" as she jabbed a finger into the empty air, always in a fixed direction... My mother's nickname. It was my cue to follow her finger, but I told her nevermind, it was alright, she had nothing to fear, and to look into my eyes and pray with me. Do I dare hope she understood me? I prayed with her, not too loudly, so that my aunt couldn't hear. I whispered it was alright, that she could trust Jesus. I told it to leave again and asked God to guard her sleep. Fear has clouded her heart from faith in Goodness she has never known. But in His grace and mercy, on account of my faith He watches over her.
Deliver us Father!... please.
Over giving my aunt's tired shoulders a massage, I just learnt today that I'm part peranakan...!
(now we know where that pushy streak comes from..) My grandma's mom was nonya, from the Baba community. My grandma's dad was Chinese who had left relatives behind to come to this part of the world alone.
Such revelations are rare, and I thank Him for the opportunity. My family doesn't talk very much about its past.
This intrigues me... I'd like to inquire into the spiritual significance of my generational inheritance. I don't want to overspiritualize things though. But if what I sense my grandma's sensitivities are tuned to is correct, then there is a possibility it runs in the family, and that what i suspected in my early years is correct as well--My mother denied flatly the uncleanliness of the house because she knew, and was afraid, and hoped to make it go away for me by telling me an untruth. It wasn't till we moved out that she admitted to noticing I'd use to cry as a 11 mth old baby, the closer we got to the spots that were unclean, and that as a toddler my peculiarities about navigating the house were decidedly strange.
With my mother in denial and I having no one who would affirm me in my fear it is hardly suprising that there was a lot of confusion and doubt. I was a strange, dark kid who spoke of things that never otherwise even featured in the thoughts of my classmates. Once at my kindergarten best friend's 6th birthday I stayed over at her house... I told her a ghost story which was completely fictional, plot driven like the books 6 year olds read, and hardly in mention of the reality of fear I experienced... I would have told her if I'd posessed the words to at 6. she had nightmares that night and went to her parents room to sleep upon waking up. I don't think it was the story that scared her... it was me.
And yet I remember even then that the gospel and Christ held out such hope for me. As instinctive as it was for me to fear dark things, I dove right into His love with abandon until notions of His judgement were hammered home, and He seemed to love me only now from afar, because the older we got, the more time we've had to do something wrong. So I was rather a bunch of contradictions. Evangelising to classmates on one hand (because one knew the desperation such fear can drive one to), and scaring them on the other, I struggled to hope and hoped in struggle.
I thank God that nothing is wasted. He has brought me this far. I believe there is still lots more to go. He will deliver my family. I say this in faith. Glory to God, for the victory is already won! Let me stand firm then, and remain unshaken. Heart, fix your eyes on Jesus Christ, my sweetest brother and dearest friend. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace.I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."
Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.If you make the Most High your dwelling-- even the LORD, who is my refuge--
then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent.For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;
they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent. "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."~Psalm 91 (excerpts)
| e.s.t.h.e.r in the arms of Jesus @
8/02/2005 12:25:00 am |
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