Today
No nightmares last night! Praise God! =)
This is a soft, grey, cool morning, and the weather and light remind me so much of the UK and the last trip i took. I could just about imagine God's voice coming through the clouds with fingers of sunshine to caress the tiled roofs and seascape, infiltrating my glass panes to reach me. This morning i woke again with eager anticipation to prayer, for I know I am still on a journey of discovery.
In prayer again then I saw the mess that my heart had become over the last few days, and Jesus asked me for my heart, and I gave it to Him. I have had a dull, black physical ache that had been spread out and stirring for days, and usually it is confined only to a small space. Now it was like an allergy all flared up.
The heart turned into country in His hands, and he took my hand and walked me through the heartscape. much of it is blackened over, and a monster lives in a bubble. Jesus led me through the landscape, from the light-filled parts where everything was still green and growing, to the hilly, mountainous regions where streams still bubbled and gargled in their chattery way. From there one could see a dark stormy cloud brewing on the horizon. Walking on into the heart of the cloud, it became so much darker and bleaker, until it would have been pitch black if Jesus wasn't like a giant torchlight himself. It was as though a great, black fog had settled around us, and one couldn't see more than 2m ahead. Nothing grew here, no light ever penetrated the fog, and the air reeked a searching, penetrating evil, which would have been much more sinister if not for the warm company of Jesus that made one smile anyway. The ground underfoot became craggy and unnegotiable, the surfaces of the rock steep as walls, stoic and unfriendly. We were in a pass. Soon it led out into a dirt road and we were out of the fog. The little muddy road led straight up to a small gate set in a low fence, behind which was a big shiny, oily, globule. It towered over us, being higher than the depression it had carved out of the mountains for itself and it was sitting there gloating at us.
Jesus said we cannot keep bubbles for monsters to hide in. He lifted his arms and touched the globule, tearing it apart, very much the way you draw curtains to let light in.
And this is the strange thing, as we were walking towards the demon's cave, the dull physical ache seemed to be forced to retreated back into its usual little corner and became a sharp acute pain. I would have drawn a picture of the scene to follow if i could, but I am not good at art so I shall try to use words.
I have never seen the monster fully illuminated before. but it had tentacles gripping onto the landscape so that its hold was firm, it also had long, gallopy legs that let it scuttle along undetected. it was definitely ugly--gnarled and bent, whiskers that grew in all the wrong places, ugly teeth and wrinkled heads, some of which looked cruel, with eyes and instruments whose intent you knew was the total anhilation of life, others pitiful and could have been used to win one's unwitting sympathy. It reeked of deceit and had the entire repetoire of familiar soft dark voices of all the lies I've heard before, and the sharp, sneering voices when it had cornered you, sharp enough to make a sickle blade with.
And Jesus just stood there with His arms held out. the thing cowered in the light and retreated as far into his rock depression as far as possible. And if i could describe myself to you, then it was a little kid slumped onto the ground clutching his chest where the acute pain was for then it became most intense, as though the monster were trying to burn a hole in me inside out.
I don't know what happened next, I was jolted out of prayer, but I know more is to come.
I know this sounds like something you might get out of Lord of the Rings, and you probably wouldn't find it very edifiying either. But there are at least 2 people who have told me about the need to bind the strongman first before the house is cleared, and I have thus far had no idea how. I am on a fast, to find out just what is going on, to know what I must do if God's not gng to just zap me and make me ok.
| e.s.t.h.e.r in the arms of Jesus @
1/06/2006 12:09:00 pm |
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