5 sleepless nights and counting
I got scolded by the doctor today for not sleeping enough. I think this time it really sunk in on how I need to take care of myself. I really hate the guilt that sets in from not being able to wake up for class, but I am also extremely stressed that no one understands the sheer amount of work to be done. I have to finish my 22 page magazine publication by today, finish 2 interviews and study for a test. After that there's Talib's presentation and essay (2 seperate tasks, 2 group projects), and my Media module group essay... all hopefully by Friday... NUS should be relabelled NUTS.
The doctor was really mean. "3 hours a night? Then you deserve every headache you get!", and ,"We're not here to bail you out when you can't wake up for class or when you get headaches or get sick and miss class." She also said most of it was because I was too stressed out. Ironically, that just compounded my stress since it entails one more thing I have not done well enough, and one more thing I need to do. I don't know how I'm gng to get thru the next two weeks with BOTH enough sleep and doing work till i'm thoroughly satisfied with having done my best about it... I can only say I'll try. I can't afford to just stop by a certain time and sleep, because they are group projects and what I do affects everyone too. Nobody seems to get that all of us this sem are equally stressed.
But I must say I didn't really feel all that stressed till I walked into her office... I have been still resting in God periodically, so I have a deep sense of repose, and the adrenalin pumping hectic fluster just washes over the top, so that most of the time I operate as though I were a 24-7 paper-producing bunch of neurons with arms, but beneath that is a foundation of deep calm, security and delight in my Father. I just want to give my best. I don't know why I try so hard, its not like if i get straight As this sem it will bring my cap to the next grade of honours. But it just feels like the right thing to do.
But yes, I must sleep more. I need to take care of my health so that my spiritual life doesn't suffer.
Daddy.... Help me....!!
| e.s.t.h.e.r in the arms of Jesus @
3/29/2006 02:31:00 pm |
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