At the foot of the cross

Mark 14:32-42 (New International Version - UK)

32 They went to a place called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to his disciples, Sit here while I pray. 33 He took Peter, James and John along with him, and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled. 34 My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death, he said to them. Stay here and keep watch. 35 Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him. 36 Abba, Father, he said, everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.

Oh Lord, I've heard this passage a thousand times. And increasingly I'm coming to understand the agony You experienced in prayer, as You lead me into surrendering to pain born of love as part of Your will, so my life is poured out for Your glory. I am learning Lord more and more the significance of writhing and struggling to choose faith in You, in deep, agonizing prayer. You had chosen the Father's will, amidst all difficulty. How much more I? I am called to follow you.

Lord what had been running through Your mind as you were overwhelmed by sorrow? What overcame you that You should fall to the ground? Lord were you fearful because you weren't sure how you'd finish the Father's will without His presence? Lord how heartwrenching your cry must have been to the Father. And only because of You Lord, I should never have to face my deepest fear--separation from my Father.

So Lord, I surrender. All my struggles pale in the face of this. And nothing that can be done to me will ever compare to that moment of greatest horror and greatest glory on the cross. Let me surrender my all, before both the praise or derision and scorn of men, whose words are the poisonous antithesis to Your renewal of my mind and heart each day. Let me lay all down, careless if they should trample on me Father--as long as You have called. You will use me, and You are worth everything I am.

You are my joy and strength.
I shall walk, convicted into the purpose You call me to.
In You each morning I am already alive!--
I behold You
in wonder and awe
excited at the prospect of each new day

You are beautiful Jesus.
heartbreakingly, breathtakingly, so.